I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
