Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
