I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize