last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
