is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
