he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
