It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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