thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize