Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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