I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
