he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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