I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can't turn off my feet"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
