Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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