bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
