He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
