This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
sex in a hospital.. check
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
