Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Come share oat with me in your robe
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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