just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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