Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
