end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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