If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
