I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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