Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
