I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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