I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
