Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
and you fell through a lawn chair
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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