Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
