Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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