I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
