Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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