i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize