what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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