she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
