Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
