I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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