Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
