frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
