yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
