I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
