i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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