you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
