Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it glows. i had to have it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
