Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
