We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
