He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
