Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
