have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
