i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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