I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
