Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
