PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
