i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
