well I can't set my house on fire every night
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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