now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
