are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
