I just saw a hot homeless man
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize