I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
