What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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