Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
