So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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