Welp...herpes.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
