One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
