Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
