How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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