He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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