I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
