I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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