Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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